Dialogue: The Loan


Steve: Payback time.

Andrew: Hold on. What? What payback? You’re not going to poison me or hurt me in some way are you?

Steve: What are you talking about?

Andrew: You said payback time. Why? For what? I told you I did not delete all your porn from your computer.

Steve: You deleted all my porn from my computer?

Andrew: No.

Steve: Whatever. I don’t care. I have all that stuff on backup anyway.

Andrew: You back up your porn.

Steve: Of course, who doesn’t? It’s a best practice to back up your porn.

Andrew: Point. Good point.

Steve: I’m paying back the six bucks you loaned me. You give me four bucks. I’ll give you a ten.

Andrew: Say again.

Steve: You give me four dollars. I’ll give you a ten.

Andrew: Yeah. Sure. Good deal. Good deal for me. That’s profit on my pocket.

Steve: No. There’s no profit in your pocket.

Andrew: Sure there is. I give you four dollars and you give me ten. That’s profit in my pocket. It’s simple math.

Steve: No. There is no profit. I’m paying you the six bucks I owe you.

Andrew: I know. I get it.

Steve: No. You don’t get it. Not if you’re talking about profit in your pocket.

Andrew: Oh, so now you’re trying to change the agreement of the terms. Well, I can’t let you do that. That’s taking advantage. A bank wouldn’t let you take advantage like that.

Steve: There was no agreement of terms other than you loan me six dollars and I pay back six dollars. Those were the terms. There’s no taking advantage here other than you taking advantage of my patience.

Andrew: Maybe I should open a bank. With profit margins like this I’d be rich in no time.

Steve: Open a bank? You don’t even understand simple math.

Andrew: Of course I do. I’m starting with four dollars in my pocket which I give to you. You, in return, give to give me ten. Four subtracted from ten is six. I now have an extra six dollars profit in my pocket.

Steve: Do not say there’s profit in my pocket again. There is no profit. I’m paying you back the six dollars you loaned me.

Andrew: What’s the catch?

Steve: No catch. No catch at all. I owe you six dollars. I’m paying back six dollars.

Andrew: You said ten. What happened to the ten?

Steve: I am giving you ten. Here take it. You give me four.

Andrew: Right. Right. I got that. Here’s your four. Done deal.

Steve: Done deal.

Andrew: But why would you just give me six dollar profit. What’s in it for you? I’m sorry, but I’m suspicious here. I feel like I’m holding blood money. You’re not the philanthropic type.

Steve: Do you even know how to define philanthropic? There is no blood money.

Andrew: Oh. My. God. Is this a Godfather moment? This is a Godfather moment isn’t it? One day you may ask me for a favor. Let me tell you, I’m not killing anyone for six bucks. I’m not putting a horse head in some guy’s bed for six bucks.

Steve: Don’t be ridiculous. There’s no Godfather moment. We’re even. No favors down the road.

Andrew: You’re going to give me the Godfather kiss, aren’t you?

Steve: What are you talking about?

Andrew: You’re going to kiss me on each cheek, which means you’re having me killed.

Steve: That’s ridiculous. If I were going to have you killed I wouldn’t bother paying back the six bucks. I’d just have you killed, which is sounding pretty good right now. I’m certainly not coming anywhere near your face with these lips.

Andrew: Guilty conscience. You don’t want to kill someone who you owe money. Or a code. A Godfather code.

Steve: That’s it. I can’t discuss this with you anymore. Give me the ten.

Andrew: Alright.

Steve: Thank you. Here’s you’re four.

Andrew: Nice doing business with you.

Steve: It really wasn’t. Hey, can you loan me four bucks. You know I’m good for it.

Andrew: Sure. The bank is open. You’re a trusted customer. Here you go my good man.

Steve: Thank you.

Andrew: Wait a minute.

Steve: What now?

Andrew: I don’t have any money for a sandwich and I’m hungry.

Steve: How do you not have any money? You really have to be more responsible with money.

Andrew: I know. I’m sorry. It just slips through my fingers.

Steve: I could loan you some if that would help?

Andrew: It really would.  Thanks. I’m so hungry.

Steve: Four bucks ok?

Andrew: Perfect.

Steve: Ok, I’ll loan you the four dollars.

Andrew: Thanks.

Steve: But the terms of the agreement are four dollars at twenty percent interest per week compounded daily.

Andrew: Oh, come on. That’s ridiculous.

Steve: Hey, it’s not my fault. You’re a risky investment. Look at you.  You’re like the broke homeless guy on the corner. You don’t even have money for food. I have to protect my investment here.

Andrew: Five percent.

Steve: I can’t do that. Too risky Fifteen percent.

Andrew: Ten. Ten percent. That’s more than fair.

Steve: I’m thinking more like twenty-five. No one else is going to risk money with you. You’re not going to get better. Shake my hand. Twenty-five percent. Deal?

Andrew: Hey! You can’t go up in negotiation. Come on. Everyone knows that.

Steve: You’re right. I was taking advantage. I got carried away. I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you. I’ll give you the VIP discount. I shouldn’t, but I will because you’re a good guy. I’ll knock it all the way down to twenty percent. No one else is getting that. I can’t believe I’m offering it to a bad risk like you. Shake my hand before I change my mind.

Andrew: Deal.

Steve: It’s the right decision. Hey, can you get me a sandwich while you’re out. I’m famished.

Andrew: I only have four bucks.

Steve: That’s plenty. You know I’m good for it. Tell you what. I’ll even knock the percentage on the money you owe me down to eighteen percent. That saves you money. That’s me being a good friend.

Andrew: Yeah, ok. Good deal. I’ll be right back.

Complete list on the Meandering page

14 thoughts on “Dialogue: The Loan

    1. They may come back. They are fully formed in my head despite the length of the piece and there’s this Abbott and Costello quality to them that I like.

      1. I think i said this in another comment, but they are best friends who have this Abbott and Costello relationship. And I love Abbott and Costello.

      2. First time for them. I wanted to write something with that relationship dynamic in mind. It’s a very common duo pattern, but I hadn’t tackled it. Suddenly, there they were. I’m still not convinced those are the right names for them, but they’ll do I suppose.

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