Humor: One Sided Conversation with a Star

Star light, star bright
You better fucking not be burned out tonight
Or I’ll kick your ass
Till that fire damn well ignites
So listen close to my wish tonight, bitch.

Ok star…

I know that’s not how it goes. I’m being original. You’re here aren’t ya?


Oh bastard, not bitch. You’re a guy.

What do you want you all look alike.

It’s not racist. You’re a star.

Your names what?

Hayden? How does that fucking help prove your case?

No, I don’t want to see it.

Put that junk away. I believe you. Damn!

You’re a guy. Ok. I said it. Happy now?

Anyway, you pissy fuck. Now that I got your attention heres my wish.

A pissy fuck, yeah. You gotta admit you’re in a shit of a mood.

That is not my problem. I didn’t cause that. I wasn’t even there.

We all got problems. I didn’t tell Alpha Centauri to jump in your spot. There’s nothing I can do about it.

Shut the hell up star before I smack ya.

You listening star?

Again, not my problem that you don’t get out much. Technically, you’re out all the time.

Alright, I’ll keep my day job. Can we get back to my wish?

Thank you. Prick up those star ears and get in here real close so you don’t confuse anything.

Oh! Not that close! You’re fucking hot, dumb ass!

What do you mean it’s my fault for asking!

Where ya going? Don’t be like that.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Come back here.

Let’s get down to business. Clear your calendar to attend to this exclusively. This is important.

I know everyone says it’s important, but I mean it.

I know everyone means it, but I actually mean it.

I know everyone actually … Stop busting my balls here. Alright, listen up.


Are you listening, or do I gotta smack you?

Ok. Good. Here’s my wish. One word

What do you mean you already know?

That obvious, huh.

Say it back to me so I’m sure you’re not fucking with me.

Yeah, that’s my wish. You got it.

Yeah, she is special.

Three words. Yeah, I know.

Boom Boom Clap? I don’t know what that is.

Oh, now I’m the dumb-ass because I don’t know Boom Boom Clap. I can see why Alpha Centauri doesn’t like you.

What do you mean she’s too good for me, smart ass?

Oh, payback for the pissy fuck thing. That’s fair. You got me. Ha fucking ha.

Get right on this star. Seriously.

What do you mean no?

Oh, just fucking with me. Don’t do that star. It’s very unnerving.

The finger star? Seriously?

Again? Ok. Seriously, stop fucking with me like that.

You got this. Sweet. Thanks for having my back. You’re alright star.

Have a good day star… night. I meant night.

4 thoughts on “Humor: One Sided Conversation with a Star

  1. How wonderfully absurd and beautifully poignant.πŸ’˜
    I love original.
    Boom boom clap..and three words
    Seems as if only yesterday these thoughts,myself πŸ™‚
    I think all the stars heard by the way *smiles*🌹
    Thank you for sharing,Jeffrey.

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